I finally freaked out
So an interesting thing happened…After all the transition of this last year I finally panicked. Moving to a new town didn’t bother me. Starting a church didn’t bother me. Not having any guaranteed income didn’t bother me. Leaving friends behind bothered me a little…but I knew I would survive. It wasn’t until this last month, facing the prospect of going back to work did I begin to second guess my decision making skills. I have learned something very important as a result of my panic attack. Going back to work and “leaving my children” is having a huge emotional impact on me.
When I was offered a teaching job at a new high school (a job for which I am very greatful) I suddenly wasn’t sure I wanted it. I wondered if I should take a job with less responsibility…I became afraid of the job and what it would mean for my family. In this whole moving/starting a church process I have yet to feel fear. I have been nervous, curious, in the dark…but not afraid. I find it interesting and profound that I would be most afraid to miss out on the lives of my children. So…I hope you had a happy Mother’s Day…and that you were able to enjoy your kids.
