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Last Monday, one of my students hanged himself.  Wednesday morning, before the first bell, one of my colleagues entered my classroom to share the horrific news.  Since then, we have been grieving as a group.

Teaching in my little school (three teachers, one counselor and thirty students) has been a unique experience - but the uniqueness has never felt as sharp as this last week.  We knew Alveino.  We knew him well.  We visited him and we called him.  We checked up on him.  He trusted us - and no one else.  Alveino was alone, save his school family.  We knew he was troubled.  But we couldn’t stop him.

It is a painful experience to care about someone, and yet not be able to control them.  Not be able to keep them safe.  Yet in the tragedy, remarkable things have happened.  I have seen a marginalized group of students pull together as a family and care for each other with fierce determination.  I have seen adults model grief for students in very real, authentic ways.  I have seen a group of adults pull together to support one another rather than give in to the temptation to remain “professional”.  The entire experience has been messy, but that is because we loved Alveino.  To tie up our emotional experience in a neat little package would devalue his life and his worth. 

Today, I sat in a group grief counseling session with my colleagues.  I was proud of their emotional honesty.  I have been encouraged to see us pull together, bound by our sadness.  Our students are fortunate to have such a diverse, caring group of teachers who are committed to them well beyond the classroom.  I only wish all high school students could have that same experience.

I am experiencing grief in a profound, daily way.  His seat is empty.  We feel his void every single day.  Alveino knew that I cared about him, and I am so glad that he heard me say it out loud.  I enjoyed so many things about him and will miss him deeply.

The past few months I haven’t been very committed to my blog.  I will attempt to do better and keep you readers (all five of you!) up to date.

Christmas was wonderful.  I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of my vacation with my family - we stayed at home and enjoyed Durango.  I must be growing up as it didn’t take me a whole week to calm down and begin the good stuff. 

The kids are back to school, and not too sad about it.  I didn’t not handle the transition back to work quite as gracefully.  I feel I am holding my breath until Spring trimester begins - five more weeks.  Oscar is still loving Aikido and is hoping to take his yellow belt test soon.  We parents think it will be a little while until he is ready and therefore a great opportunity to learn to work hard while you wait.  Piper is hoping to begin taking a performing arts class.  I am hoping we can get her in to the class and that it is not full…I’ll keep you posted.

Chip is snowshoeing, snowboarding, cooking, cleaning and running a church.  He does it all very well and I have to give him huge props for the way he has embraced all of his diverse rolls.  He likes the diversity in his schedule and really enjoys all that he is doing.  For example, his river rafting friends (they all guide for 4-corners Whitewater) are building a float for the Snowdown parade.  This year Snowdown has an Egyptian theme…and guess who they chose to be Pharoah?  Yup, Chip.  Imagine a very cold pharoah riding down Main St. in a yellow raft surrounded by crocodiles in the snow.  It should be entertaining!

I am very grateful for my job, and while I sometimes long for a more relaxed schdule, I think our household responsibilities are currently divided in the best possible way.  I am most effective in a structured, predictable setting (i.e. a public high school) and Chip is most effective in a flexible, ever changing lifestyle.  We are maximizing our talents for the greatest, best impact on our kids and the community at large.  It may seem a bit of a strange set up, but it works best for us.  I am doing very well at work, and Chip is doing very well at all his various work.  It makes me feel grateful that we attempted this strange experiment and satisfied that we are both experiencing enjoyment and success.

I suppose my New Year’s wish is that you, too, would go for it…if it isn’t working for you, try a new approach.  Leverage that gut feeling you’ve had for quite sometime and take action.  And do it now before another frustrating, unsatisfying year is used up.  

Wishing you the best!